Always by my side
by Winter's angel
Summary: QUALL fic! ~FINISHED~ is up...Even after Rinoa's death, Squall still can't forget her... and when something happens between Squall and Quistis one night, it only serves to throw their lives into chaos... review, pretty please?
1. Default Chapter

Boredom

Always by my side

By Silver Dolphin

Characters belong to Square, don't sue! 

Boredom. Squall stretched his legs out ahead of him and tucked his hands behind his head, wincing as his back popped in several places. He would have taken a walk to remove the stiffness from his body, but the train was just so darned…familiar. Boring. Just the thought of walking down the same old passageways was enough to dismiss whatever inclinations he had had to relieve the ache in his muscles.

The sounds his back made echoed in the silent cabin, and Quistis looked up from where she was curled up on the seat, reading her astrology book. Her cerulean eyes sparkled with undisguised amusement as she shot him a sidelong glance. "Need my help?"

Squall did not reply, but a hint of a sulk played around the corners of his austere mouth. 

"What's the matter?" Quistis asked as she stood and stretched. Her sleeveless blue top rode up as she did so, exposing her delicate midriff. Her taste in clothes had changed in the four years following Ultemicia's defeat – no longer did she dress so severely, but had opted instead for a sleeveless blue blouse ending just above her waist, white Capri pants hugging her legs down to mid-calf. Although she had discarded the gloves, the utility belt had stayed, slung low over her hips, and her formidable Save the Queen rested in her duffel bag somewhere.

The hairstyle was the same, as was her behavior towards him. Age had not changed her personality at all.

"Bored stiff." He ground out, shifting his shoulders uncomfortably.

"Literally," Quistis agreed, motioning for him to remove his shirt. He complied – he knew what was coming next, and he was even grateful for it. A nice massage from time to time worked wonders for his often-sullen mood. 

Squall stretched out on the entire length of the seat, lying on his stomach with his head in his arms. Quistis's hands moved sensually across his back and shoulders, gently kneading, pressuring, and coaxing his strung-up tendons to unwind. She pressed her fingers carefully along his spine, and he felt the rest of the tension slowly seep out of his body, as his muscles quivered and relaxed.

"You're getting spoiled, Leonhart." She said lightly, fingers resting on the nape of his neck. "What would the mighty commander be if his aide wasn't there to rub his back now and then?" She smoothed his hair back from his face. It seemed a sin, that a man should have such silky smooth hair and beautifully sculpted features.

__

Come now, Quistis, it was just a silly crush. You're way over him. _Supposedly._ That was the politically correct thought that ran through her mind, but her feelings did not agree with it. So what if she still loved him? She'd been waiting since she was seventeen. A few more years wouldn't hurt.

They say if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours for keeps. Yeah, right. She had stayed in the sidelines for four years now, and still he roamed free. Yet this not so secret yearning wasn't all that bad, actually…probably the reason why she hadn't worked herself into a raving loon yet.

"There are few privileges to being SeeD commander, and having a personal masseuse is one of them," Squall replied, as he sat up and retrieved his shirt. "Thanks."

"Welcome." She scooted over to pick up her book again, but instead of focusing on the tiny, blurry words she peeked over the top of the book at Squall.

He sat staring at the wall, still as a marble statue. Hyne, she probably could have dropped a bomb in front of his face, and he wouldn't have noticed.

Her lips quirked slightly, and she discarded the book altogether. "Squall?"

No response.

"Squall!" she snapped her fingers in front of his comely face. He blinked once, twice, and leveled his blue-gray gaze on her.

"What?"

"Uh…how long till we reach Galbadia?" 

"Two more hours or so." 

His face was so stoic. No emotion registered at all. She shifted till she was sitting next to him, then reached out a finger and poked his temple gingerly. "Something up there you'll like to share?"

"No."

"Tell me anyway. You're bored, so you might as well entertain me."

He shot her a smoldering scowl. "Leave. Me. Alone."

She considered a moment. "No."

He muttered what sounded like a very unflattering comment under his breath, but she chose to ignore it. "Rinoa wouldn't have wanted you to be like this, you know."

His eyes sharpened and ignited with silvery fire. "What would you - "

"That's why you're so detached, isn't it? You don't want to get close to anyone else and have them leave you like she did." Quistis put her fingers on his arm. "She killed herself when she realized she was turning into Ultemicia because she didn't want to hurt her loved ones. Especially you."

"I could have helped her."

"Oh?" She arched her eyebrow. 

"Somehow." Squall closed his eyes and leaned his head back on the seat, the very image of indifference.

"If you get another backache I'm not going to massage it away this time," Quistis warned, slipping her hand round the back of his neck to bring his head up. "Don't you believe in second chances?"

"No. Love is materialistic. Once the one you love is gone you're on your own again. What good is it when you wind up in the same position eventually?"

Without waiting for her answer Squall stood up and headed out the cabin.

Quistis sat, eyes fixed on the hand that had touched his neck. "But Squall…" her voice was barely more than a whisper. "That isn't always the case, you know."

- End Chapter 1 - 


	2. Midnight seduction

Always by my side: Chapter 2 

Always by my side: Chapter 2 

By Silver Dolphin

It had been a long, exhausting Garden meeting and a long, exhausting dinner after a long, exhausting train ride. Towards the end of dinner Quistis was so weary she could barely keep her attention on what her companion was saying. 

She ended the conversation with a polite smile and took Squall's hand. Reflexively he pulled his hand out of her grip with a faint scowl. "Yes?"

"I'm tired. I think I'll retire now." 

"You okay?" She thought she detected a note of worry under his cool alto, but she couldn't be sure.

"Yeah. I'm just tired, that's all."

"I'll see you back in our room then."

"Okay." Quietly she excused herself from the grand ballroom of Galbadia Hotel and headed back upstairs to the master suite she shared with Squall. 

After a long, relaxing soak in the whirlpool bath she reclined on the throw pillows on the couch, feeling the fatigue seep out of her bones and into the soft pillows themselves. She really felt too lethargic to stir any further – she'd just lie there and let her hair dry, and hopefully by that time she'd have the energy to walk to her bed. 

Squall fought a yawn as he mounted the marble stairs leading to their suite. He could barely walk straight, and he'd probably have a miserable hangover in the morning. Thanks to all the expensive wine that had been forced down his throat.

With any luck, Quistis would have finished with the bathroom by now, and he'd be able to have a quick shower before bed. The prospects of the latter seemed very inviting just then, no matter how lonely and empty it'd felt since Rin – since _her_ death.

__

It's all in the past. I have to let go. Resolutely he opened the hotel door and switched on the hall light, closing the door firmly behind him. A cold, icy shower to clear his thoughts, and – 

At first he did not see the figure sprawled out on the couch. But when he did, his body seemed to freeze, and his blood slowly turned into liquid ice in his veins.

Still as death, with her arm over her head, long, elegant fingers dangling over the edge of the couch. Blonde hair spread out in a tangle over her, hanging down to mask her face. Her very position…she looked exactly like…

Like Rinoa.

Fear gripped his throat as he strode across the room in several long strides, almost snatching her into his arms. She couldn't be…couldn't be dead…there was no reason for her to be!

Her head fell back against his chest. No blood. Not a single scratch upon her fair skin. Her heart beat strongly against his chest. Alive. She was alive. 

Of course. Hadn't she told him that she was tired? She had merely lain on the sofa and slept, the exhaustion evident because of the way her eyes opened slowly, two inky spheres in the pale, exquisite oval of her face. Eyes that were clouded with hazy confusion.

"Squall?" her voice was a puzzled whisper.

"Who else could it be?" His voice was soft, with a harsh, relieved edge to it. He stood with her in his arms. For a woman of her height she weighed almost nothing.

She had fallen asleep again, arms wound trustingly around his neck, face resting gently on his collarbone. He carried her to her bed and laid her down; judging from her easy breathing he had not disturbed her slumber in the least. But there was something about her innocently sleeping form that kept him from leaving…as he watched her, a desperate need, locked tightly inside of him, came flaring up to the surface, and, without thinking he bent over her and took her mouth in a deep, sweeping caress.

"Uh…" she murmured, giving him all the encouragement he needed. He stripped off his clothes in the silent darkness and joined her on the bed, hands pulling and tugging, removing the robe from her naked body while his lips slanted against hers…nibbling, tasting, claiming…

And even while she slept, her mouth replied to his urgent demands, her body responded to the call of his. Perhaps she dreamed, dreamed of another man, coming to her in love, not out of selfish need alone…in the cold, seductive dark of night. He removed her robe completely then, and, discarding it to the ground, slipped his hands over her willowy, curvy body, as hers entangled into his hair. 

It was the first pain of penetration that woke her, and a strangled cry escaped her lips. Wide, frightened eyes focused on his own, flaring with silver fire.

"Quisty…will you let me?" he whispered, dropping his mouth to her ear, licking the sweet flesh gently.

"What…I…"

"Will you?" his hands tightened around her shoulders.

"Yes." Her eyes focused with amazing clarity, and her hips snapped upwards, taking him in deeper. He groaned in approval and covered her lips with his own, trying to kiss away the pain that threatened to slice her into two.

__

Rinoa…

Fever rose as their bodies locked together, and all he knew was the softness of her skin, the intoxicating perfume of peaches and cream. The tension heightened, till pure, sweet release was granted, and the unhappy anger at Rinoa's untimely death slowly poured out of his body and into her sweet, comforting soul, together with the storm of his seed. 

Peace. Peace filled his inner being, and, holding her tightly in his arms he slept, her long, honey colored hair wrapped around them both like a silken mantle.

When the morning light came, streaks of crimson and gold, Squall's eyes opened in horror as the memory of the night before came flooding back to him.

What had he done? Taken Quistis to satisfy his body, and then spent the rest of the night in her bed? For the love of God, what had he done?

Her pale lashes lifted, and aquamarine eyes looked back into his. "Good morning." Her voice was calm, mild, and her expression betrayed nothing of what she felt within.

"Hn." He turned away from her and swung his legs over the side of the bed. Her next words stopped him.

"Not…not regretting last night?"

His body was still. "No."

"You lie." Her voice was soft, and when he turned to face her those blue eyes were shiny…perhaps too shiny. Her mouth, still damp and swollen, smiled at him.

"How would you know?"

"I saw." She replied simply. "I know, Squall. You were drunk last night, and it just happened. Alcohol causes the body to lose control and reason."

"I know what I was doing."

"Maybe. But it was Rinoa you were thinking of."

He stared at her, an arrested look in his blue gray eyes.

"You called her name." Quistis said by way of explanation. "But it's okay, really. I'm just glad I was able to help you for once…help you relieve the pain." She leaned back on her pillow again. "I think I'll sleep in some more." 

Squall got off the bed and grabbed a towel in a rough, jerky movement. The bathroom door slammed shut behind him.

Back on the bed, Quistis buried her face in her pillow and fought the urge to weep in frustration.

- End chapter 2 - 


	3. Regrets...the morning after

Always by my side: Regrets

Always by my side: Regrets

By Silver Dolphin

Oh, Hyne. The slam of the bathroom door seemed to resonate in Quistis's ears, amplifying the sound till her head hurt. She clutched the covers tighter around her naked body.

What had happened during the course of the night? She'd been having such a good dream…of being in Squall's arms at last…his warm mouth giving her all the delight she'd always longed for. A soft, gentle dream, full of tenderness, as if she'd been enfolded in the inviting darkness, where fantasy and reality were one.

Such a sweet dream indeed. And when she'd awakened to the pleasant hurt of their bodies uniting as one, it seemed as if all her wild hopes had come true at last, that Squall had finally fallen in love with her.

Until she had seen the savage need in his eyes, the desperation to get away from the past. And so she'd offered him the one thing that would have helped – if even only for a while – her body in substitution for his dead lover's.

Oh, she had had no doubts that the woman he had been making wild, passionate love to was in his eyes not the one who stood by his side day and night, but rather the one who had held his human heart for so long…till that fateful day almost a year ago, when she'd used a knife to slit her own throat. For one impossible night Rinoa had come alive again, to be with him, to give him the comfort and love he'd been deprived of since Ellone had left his side.

Twice he had dared to open his heart to another, and twice he had been so cruelly left behind…

At the sound of the bathroom door opening, Quistis squeezed her eyes shut, feigning sleep. She didn't want to face him just yet – maybe later. She didn't know if things would ever be the same between them again, and – much to her chagrin – she realized that she didn't want to find out.

When Squall came out of the shower, his mood had not changed at all. He'd simply planned on putting on his pants and leaving the bedroom, but just as he picked his belt off the floor, his eye caught something out of place, staining the white bed sheets beside Quistis.

Oh, God in heaven. He approached the bed upon which the young blonde SeeD slept, feeling a chill running through his back as he did so. A chill that had little to do with the cold shower he'd just taken.

Brownish, dried stains…bloodstains. Quistis had been a virgin. Oh, God…

He'd not only raped she who was probably his closest friend, but he'd also raped a virgin.

But she hadn't protested when he had taken her. Even when she was fully conscious, she had invited him in deeper into her warm cavern. So…he hadn't really raped her, had he?

__

But you initiated it, Leonhart. You started kissing her like there was no tomorrow. The little voice in his mind haunted him, and he tried to push it away. But the sight of her, hugging her pillow protectively to her chest, curled up tight under the bloodstained sheets…as if she were a prisoner in an enemy's stronghold.

He buckled his belt and walked away, towards the window, where he stood surveying the view laid out before him. What now? What was he supposed to say to her? Apologize?

"Squall." Her voice sounded softly behind him, and he half-turned to acknowledge her.

"Yes?" 

Looking at his back from her position on the bed, Quistis could not avoid him any longer. She pulled on the robe from the floor – where he'd cast it last night – and approached that rigid, immovable back. Best to get it out in the open…

"Squall."

"Yes?" he twisted his head round, but his eyes were fixed beyond her face. 

She had thought that she did not blame him for what had happened. But looking at his cold, deadpan expression, she felt bitterness rising in her heart.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" she snapped aberrantly. 

Something flickered across his face. "The shower is free for use." He nodded towards the bathroom door. "Go on."

Anger boiled to the surface in a mad rush. "Fine!" she spat. "I had better cleanse myself of last night's pollution, hadn't I?" 

With an angry glare through her veil of tears, she retreated to the bathroom and banged the door.

Ouch. Squall cringed involuntarily. That door wasn't going to be standing there much longer, if it had to withstand any more violence from the room's occupants.

When Quistis came out, he was still standing in the exact same position as he had been when he'd left him.

Hesitating only for a fraction of a second, Quistis dropped the towel around her body as she went in search of clothes. What need for modesty between them, after they had learned each other's naked bodies last night?

"Squall…please!" she reached out to him once she had dressed, but he moved away from her touch.

"That's strange. I could have touched you anywhere last night, and you wouldn't have done that." Her blue gaze was darkened with accusation.

His own blue-gray eyes seemed bleak and wintry this morning, more gray than blue. "The damage is done, Quisty. Nothing I could say would change that."

"At least say something so I don't feel like a cheap little toy!" Quistis was horrified to hear her own voice tighten with tears. "Just explain, Squall! Tell me! Tell me everything!" She slanted him a watery glare, clenching her hands into fists.

"You agreed to have sex with me." Squall didn't mince words.

"After you had already entered me." Quistis's speech was just as blunt. "Know why I did it, Squall?"

He shook his head imperceptibly. 

"Because I wanted to help you. You never ask anything from me. I thought I could grant you what you asked for, this once."

"But you knew I saw Rinoa, not you." 

"Yes." Her voice became despairing. "Oh, Hyne…do you miss her that much?"

"Yes." His straightforward answer cut her to the quick. 

"I must be an idiot then." Bitterness showed in her eyes. "I guess that true love is everlasting, in the end." Quistis didn't know whether she spoke of herself, or of Squall and Rinoa. 

She had not expected to find that, even after death, Rinoa still had that unbreakable grip on Squall. 

"So…what now?" she asked tiredly. From where he stood she looked small and unhappy. All because of him…

"I don't know." He came, and after a moment's uncertainty put his arms around her. Quistis struggled briefly, but he whispered in her ear. "Hush, Quisty. I won't do it again."

Quistis wasn't sure if his words comforted her, or hurt her even deeper. But now that he was voluntarily holding her…and not Rinoa, she found that all she wanted to do was to cling on to him, tightly, and let that dreamy languor melt through her limbs.

- end chapter 3 -


	4. Find Your Way

Chapter 4: 

Chapter 4: Find your way

By Silver Dolphin

The train ride back to Balamb was a silent, terse one. Squall lay stretched out on the seat, staring at the ceiling, while Quistis sat on the floor, one knee drawn up to her chest, leaning against the seat.

"Do you want to tell me…" 

Silence. For all the attention Squall was paying her, she might as well be invisible.

"Never mind." Quistis sighed softly.

"What?" His voice was cool, distant. As if the tender hug they'd shared in the hotel had only been a figment of her imagination.

Squall was only too aware of the honey-blonde hair just a few centimeters from his fingertips. He scowled and clenched his fist. Who could have imagined all the trouble one night of drinking had caused? 

There was something between him and Quistis that had not existed before, which had been released from deep inside him last night, when they had united, under the influence of alcohol. Or perhaps it had always been there, but he'd chosen to ignore it till now.

He wanted her. Wanted to touch her silky gold hair, hold her lithe body close to his, to shield her from the hurt that caused tears to sparkle in her cerulean eyes. Wanted to feel her heartbeat unsteady, see her skin flushed and breathing uneven from his lovemaking. And yet…he did not love her.

Love was the tender emotion he had borne Rinoa, love was the happiness in her eyes when he'd asked her to marry him. Bewitched, maybe. Perhaps he was attracted to Quistis. But he wouldn't love her.

He looked at the way she huddled listlessly on the floor, blonde hair trailing over her shoulders, leaving the tender nape of her neck exposed. She looked so defenseless and despondent that he reached out to touch her shoulder.

"Hey."

"Yeah?" she lifted her head, as he joined her on the floor.

"What's wrong with you?" he caught her chin in his fingertips, forcing her to look at him. Her lips parted slightly, silently offering what she didn't have the courage to do so verbally. He closed her lips with a soft, gentle kiss. His lips felt too deceptively soft to belong to such a cold, hard man.

"It probably didn't come from your heart," she said with a small smile as she pressed a finger to his mouth. "Thanks, anyway. I needed that."

He kept his hand still, warm against her nape. Her head drifted to rest against his shoulder.

"So what am I to you, Squall?" she asked softly. "A lover or a friend? Someone to satisfy your hunger when it need be?"

"More than a friend." Squall replied, barely audibly. _Beyond the standardized definitions of a friend…but something lacking as a lover…love. _That was what was missing.

It was no doubt he hadn't been able to resist kissing her. The way she'd offered her body to him, to help his anguish the night before…she was probably the only one who even saw beyond his frozen exterior. Saw the hurt that lingered within.

"You'll kiss me, and make love to me. But in your mind, it's Rinoa whom you see." Her voice was matter of fact. "I didn't know that even when she had left this earth, I still had her ghost to reckon with."

"Wait for me, Quisty." His hand dropped to her shoulder, pulling her closer.

"I've been doing that for the past five years, Squall." Her tone was one of quiet resignation. "And I probably will till the end of time."

__

Wherever you go  
Whatever you do  
I will be right here waiting for you  
Whatever it takes  
Or how my heart breaks  
I will be right here waiting for you  
  
I wonder how we can survive  
This romance  
But in the end if I'm with you  
I'll take the chance…

"C'mon, Quisty, play something for us! Pleease?" Selphie wailed. "If you don't, Zell's going to entertained us with the sax again, and I don't really want the ceiling to collapse on me just yet!"

"Be nice, Selphie. Zell's not that bad." Quistis defended her former pupil. "So what if he hits a few wrong notes now and again?"

"A few wrong notes?" Sephie fairly screeched, and Quistis frantically gestured for her to lower her voice. "Well, really! I - !"

"I heard that!" Zell yelled around a mouthful of hotdogs. As usual, the energetic blonde SeeD was standing by the food table, wolfing down as many hotdogs as he could. But not even Selphie's insults could drag him away from the food laid out for the little "Welcome Back" party for Squall and Quistis. Of course, the two had only been gone for a day. Quistis suspected that their return had been the perfect excuse Selphie had been groping for to throw a little party to liven things up.

"I haven't played the piano in a long time, Sefie. It's been over six years."

"You never forget anything, Quisty. Please?"

"Oh, all right." More to save her sanity rather than an obligation to please Selphie, Quistis walked over to the grand piano in the corner and tested the keys.

She felt a pair of eyes on her, and raised her chin to see Squall watching her across the room. Something akin to jealousy flashed through her heart, and before she knew it her fingers keyed out the quiet, poignant melody of "Torn between Two Lovers". Her liquid voice soared effortlessly into the soprano range, singing along to the melody.

****

There are times when a woman

Has to say what's on her mind

Even though she knows

How much it's going to hurt

Before I say another word

Let me tell you I love you

Let me hold you close

And say these words as gently as I can

There's been another man

That I've needed and I've loved

But that doesn't mean I love you less

And he knows he can't possess me

And he know he never will

There's just this empty place

Inside of me that only he can fill

Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool

Loving both of you is breaking all the rules

Torn between two lovers, feeling like fool

Loving you both is breaking all the rules

You mustn't think you failed me

Just because there's someone else

You were the first real love I ever had

And all the things I ever said

I swear they still are said

I swear they still are true

For no one else can have

The part of me I gave to you

In no way did the lyrics even implicate him at all. Longing robbed her voice of the initial mockery, and their gazes locked and held; both were unmindful of their friends – Seifer's all knowing look, Irvine's raised eyebrow, Zell's curious gaze, and Selphie's speculative eyes. Squall's hand tightened fleetingly around his glass, and, without changing his expression at all slammed it down onto the coffee table and pushed through the silent crowd to the door.

- end chapter four - 

  



	5. Love's Discovery

Chapter 5

Chapter 5

By Silver Dolphin

"May the dead forever rest in peace." At that solemn pronouncement, Squall pried open one smoky eye to find Seifer standing over his bed, smirking down at him.

He shot the blond his customary Squall Leonhart scowl and rolled over, using the pillow to block out Seifer's face. "To wake up this early in the morning and see your face, I don't think that statement applies to me."

"If that's the way you feel about your best friend, I don't even want to know how you regard your enemies."

Squall tossed the pillow at the incorrigible blond and sat up, wincing as the sunlight stabbed into his eyes. "Since when did the sun rise so early in Balamb?"

"If you call eleven o'clock early, then it always did."

Squall blinked, and the throbbing in his head worsened. No wonder Seifer had come looking for him. He groaned aloud as another spear of pain shot through his head. Seifer grinned and shoved a cup of something into his hand.

"What the hell is this?"

"Don't worry, it's not a love potion for you and Quistis or something. It's something to clear that thick head of yours."

Squall glared at Seifer. The tall blond raised his shoulders in a half shrug. "What? You two were pretty obvious last night."

The SeeD commander downed the contents of the cup in one swallow. It tasted awful, but it wasn't as bad as Seifer's words. He grimaced slightly.

"Something tells me you two are having problems." The smirk was gone from Seifer's face and voice, and the dark emerald eyes were dead serious. 

"None of your business."

"Maybe. But Quisty is a rare jewel, and I'd hate to see her get hurt."

"You?" Squall's eyebrow shot up.

"I loved her once, you know. But then I realized she had eyes for no one but you, so I let her go."

"I asked her to wait, and she agreed. While I…"

"Rinoa? Come on, she's been dead for a year now. You want to remain celibate for the rest of your life?" Then, as he received another murderous glance, "You're wasting your loyalty on a dead person, while you hurt the living."

"That's harsh."

"Well, it's true!" the blond defended himself. "Hey, I don't mean to diss Rinny or anything, but you can't spend the rest of your life loving the dead, you know."

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"Go talk to Quisty. Fall for her charms – before you break her heart."

"Too late, Seifer." Helplessness marred Squall's smooth timbre. "I already have – fallen for her charms _and_ broken her heart."

"Why the sudden visit to Winhill?" Quistis asked, as she watched the surrounding landscape whiz past from the window of the Ragnarok. 

"Ellone asked me to visit her and Laguna. Apparently they're on holiday." He cast her a quick look, before returning his attention to piloting the craft. "You didn't have to accompany me, you know. You could have gone on home first."

Quistis waved the half-apology aside. "It's on the way back from Timber, anyway. I could do with a short holiday myself, after all these diplomacy missions one after another."

"Hn."

"I wonder how Sis is doing." When Squall didn't answer her, she let her breath out in a slow, disappointed rush and turned back to the window. She supposed she couldn't expect him to open up to her just like that – it would have to come slowly and naturally.

"Squall!" Ellone opened the door to the renovated Pub in delight. "I didn't think you'd come down so soon – Quisty!" she reached out impulsively to pull the younger girl into a hug, then hustled them into the house and into the sitting room. Since Raine's death, the Pub had ceased exist, and on Ellone's return she'd turned the place into a living room, dining room and kitchen. With a promise to "be back soon" she hurried on upstairs to prepare their bedrooms.

It was by sheer coincidence that Ellone returned with Laguna in tow just as Quistis was giving Squall one of those massages he so coveted. Both stood in the doorway, studying the couple on the couch, before Laguna broke the silence with his honeyed voice.

"Well, now, what's been going on between you children since Elle left to prepare the beds?"

Quistis and Squall looked up, startled. Laguna and Ellone both wore identical knowing looks, and Quistis blushed faintly, realizing how they must look to the older pair. Squall stripped to the waist, and she almost leaning on him as her hands roamed his bare back…

"Maybe I should have only prepared one bed, hmmm?" The dark haired girl exchanged a smirk with Laguna.

"Ellone!" Quistis exclaimed. "It was _nothing_ like that!"

"No?" she grinned as Laguna offered them all drinks.

"Quit teasing her, Sis." Squall sat up next to Quistis, and almost instinctively she leaned against him.

"Whatever you say," Ellone agreed. "How can I keep bullying her, when her knight in shining armor is here to protect her?"

"How long have you and Squall been together, Quisty?" Ellone asked as she sampled the soup they were making for dinner. Since Quistis's culinary skills were seriously limited, she mostly stayed away from the stove and concerned herself with the family cat. 

"What makes you think we're together?" Quistis replied, as she sat down and patted her lap. "Here, kitty." The cat jumped onto her lap and purred as she stroked the silky head.

"Aren't you? From what I saw…"

"No. I wish we were, though." Quistis knew she was revealing more than she normally would have, but Ellone was like her big sister and she trusted her enough to share her secrets. A bitter note crept into her voice. "I just wonder how long I'd have to wait, that's all."

"That strikes me as strange," Ellone remarked, whirling around to face the blonde. She pointed the ladle at Quistis. "As children you two were very close. I always thought you'd be lovers in future." She smiled enigmatically at the younger girl. "You are, aren't you? You can fool an eternal innocent like Uncle Laguna, but I know the look in your eyes. I used to see it in Aunt Raine's.

"Just one night, Sis. And then we realized it was a mistake."

"Why? He's not still hung up over Rinoa, is he? It's been so long now, and they never really struck me as a stable couple. It was as if something was bound to come between their love."

"Whatever his faults, you have to say Squalls' faithful, I suppose."

"No." The brunette fixed her with a mischievous smile, as she moved the pot off the stove. "Just stubborn, Quisty. And I plan to remedy that."

"Care to have a private chat with me, Squall?" Ellone asked as the foursome concluded their evening together. She shot Laguna an inquiring look.

He shrugged. "Fine by me, Elle, just don't stay up too late, okay? I know you can chat through the night once your tongue's started."

"It's my one failing. Good night, Uncle Laguna. Sweet dreams, Quisty." Her sly smile indicated just what those dreams should be.

"Si~s!" 

Laguna laughed. So much for him being an eternal innocent. They headed off to bed, leaving the sitting room entirely to Squall and Ellone.

"What's going on between the two of you?" Ellone asked directly, nodding in the direction of the stairs. "One moment you seem so close, then the next…you're holding her at arm's length."

Why did everybody have to notice him and Quistis? "Nothing."

"Listen to me, Squall. I think everyone's pretty tired of your sulky attitude by now. You've really changed over the past year. I mean, sure, you used to be like that, but everything changed after you met Rinoa. And now it seems you've gone back to your old self again."

He shrugged. Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

Ellone speared him with a curiously predatory look. "You're denying, you know. You do love her, don't you?"

"No."

"Rinoa's gone, Squall. You loved her, and that's getting in the way of what you feel for Quisty. Just because you love Quisty, you think you're betraying Rinoa, and so you try to reject those feelings."

"Says who?"

"I can see, Squall. It's okay to love again after someone you loved dies. You have to carry on." 

"Am I that palpable?" 

"Yes. I know you love her, Squall. She loves you, she's waiting for you…why make her wait so long?"

"It's not that easy to do, Sis."

"I know." Her voice dropped. "Maybe you should go see Rinoa, Squall. Make peace with your conscience, with her ghost if you have to."

"Tomorrow." 

"Sure. Let's go to bed, shall we? You can think till you drop off to sleep."

Quistis woke in the middle of the night with the feeling that something wasn't quite right. She wasn't sure why she did, though. This was Laguna and Ellone's residence, in what was probably the quietest, safest little town in the world. Why…?

The room was stifling. She really couldn't go back to bed again. It was in the middle of autumn – but no breeze blew through the open window, and when she put her head out into the open air she could feel how heavy and damp it was. Her camisole stuck to her sweaty back, and although she had pulled her hair back into a braid, some of the strands had escaped and now they clung to her damp forehead. And that nagging feeling at the back of her mind wasn't helping to get her back to sleep any.

She opened the door and stepped out into the darkened hallway. Pale moonlight poured in from the windows, illuminating a tall, lithely muscled figure standing before them. Naked to the waist, she could see how the muscles in his shoulders and back rippled with the slightest movement he made.

"What are you doing?" she asked softly, fingers brushing his shoulder with the faintest of touches. He turned to face her, the moonlight in his eyes, lighting his hair with silver gilt, making him look like a fallen angel from heaven.

"I couldn't sleep," he replied hoarsely. "It's so hot. And…empty."

"Lonely?" She asked.

He shrugged. She really wished he wouldn't do that – it was so distracting, the way his lean body moved so fluidly in the dark.

"Quisty?" his voice was barely above a whisper. To her imaginative mind, it sounded like the enticement of some fairy king, coaxing a mortal woman into his bed.

She shook off the fantastical thought. "Yes?"

"Will you lie with me tonight?"

"Oh, Squall…" she turned anguished eyes on him. "Don't you see it won't help? You'll just regret it in the morning." However much she wanted to comfort him, she couldn't. Not another loveless union.

"Does it help if I told you I love you?" she saw, once again, the desperation and confusion in his eyes.

"Do you?" A wild spark of hope ignited in her.

"Yes. Come to bed with me, Quisty. Please." He stretched out his hand, and she succumbed into his inviting arms. He drew her against his muscled warmth, lips nuzzling her temple gently. In her mind's eye she saw him all over again, lying hot and sweaty next to her, while he uttered Rinoa's name in her ear. She shuddered slightly, and pulled away.

"I can't, Squall. Not till you've put the past behind you."

He was wise enough not to touch her. "That's what Sis told me. She…she suggested I see Rinoa in the morning." 

"I think so, too." Her voice was quiet behind him. Perhaps it would be difficult for him to visit his ex fiancée's grave, but he'd be able to clear things out once and for all. She put her hands on his shoulders, gently forcing him to turn around to face her. Slim hands slid up the back of his neck, entangling in his soft brown locks, urging his face down to hers for a tender good-night kiss.

"When you're ready, Squall…" she murmured into his ear, "I'll be here…always by your side."

- end chapter 5 -


	6. Through the past

Chapter 6

Chapter 6

By Silver Dolphin

A fresh sense of loss rose in Squall's heart as he stood before the marble tombstone in the misty shower. The surroundings were blurred, dim, in contrast to the words engraved so carefully on the tombstone.

Rinoa Heartilly. 

His eyes traced the delicate carving of her face on the headstone in the pale morning light. The cemetery was located in an out-of-the-way part of Deling City; that and the fact that dawn had just broken ensured that he had the entire graveyard to himself. 

The sculptors had caught her beauty, even in death. Serene, with her eyes closed, a faint smile gracing the corners of her lips. That was how she'd been when she'd cut her throat, despite all the blood soaking her skin, her clothes…her face had been calm. She'd wanted to do it, and she'd not regretted it in the very least.

What did that leave him? By dying, she had given him the greatest gift of all – life, not for him to waste by pining for her, but to start over again, following the path Hyne had laid out for him, to love whoever Hyne had chosen for him. 

He stopped short. Love? His fingertips reached out to trace the cold outlines of her likeness, and then he understood. Rinoa had merely been a passing angel – sent by Hyne to teach him to love the blonde beauty who'd always stood by his side, loving him, lending whatever support she'd could. Once he'd learnt his lesson, there'd been nothing more she could do for him. The time had come for him to follow his heart.

The heart he'd shut down and enclosed with a sheet of reinforced glass since Rinoa's death. He reached cold and shaking fingers around his neck, unclasping from around it the chain he'd never dreamed of taking off before. The chain whose twin that hung around Rinoa's neck where she lay, six feet under the ground in an oak coffin. 

The ring felt cold against his chilled palm, and he buried it quietly by her grave, raindrops from his long bangs coursing down his face in little rivulets. To an onlooker it looked as if Squall Leonhart was crying. But Squall never cried – and whatever pain he felt at her death was locked tightly inside of him, so that the tears refused to come.

Squall had been haunted ever since he'd lost Rinoa. By coming back to her grave he'd purged some of the feeling from his heart, and a strange lightness weighed in his chest as he stood up and lifted his face to the sweeping rain.

"It's okay to love again." His words were lost in the whispering rainfall, but perhaps the breeze carried them far, far to where they were not lost upon another.

Quistis awoke with a start, expecting to see Squall lying in the bed next to her. Heart thudding in the horrible anticipation of another mistake made in the seductiveness of the night.

But no – the sheets were tangled about her, and the room was cool: rain was falling outside the window. The bed bore no imprint of another's body. She'd slept alone last night.

The relief that coursed through her was abruptly replaced by a dubious feeling. She was alone in the room, at seven o'clock in the morning, but she could have sworn she'd heard Squall's voice, whispering right next to her. She untwisted the sheets around her waist and swung her legs over the side of the bed, planning to go to his room just to know that he was well.

The room was empty as she pushed open the door. The bed was immaculate, as was the dressing table. Panic seized her, but all those years of SeeD training took over and she calmed her hysterical mind, striding to the window to peer out into the light drizzle.

The Ragnarok was gone.

He'd already left to see Rinoa. Part of her was glad, yet the other part of her was strongly against it – what if he left and never returned?

She sank down onto the bed, taking in his scent – it hung around his room like a sweet fragrance, clean and musky and male. The very scent she'd breathed in the night before, as they'd kissed by the moonlit hallway windows.

"Patience. It's a virtue." Quistis lifted her head to meet Ellone's dark brown gaze, to see the lovely young woman smiling sympathetically at her from the doorway. She managed a weak smile in return.

"He'll be back."

"I know." Quistis stood up, smile growing more genuine by the moment. "How about some breakfast?"

"Sure. It's about time you learnt how to fry eggs. Imagine, an elite mercenary at fifteen, who, at twenty-two, has never ever picked up a frying pan in her whole life."

"The mystic powers of a GF – a blessing or a curse?" Quistis wondered aloud, setting the notes down before her. Guardian Forces were most probably humans' best friends – loyal when they were cared for, answering each summon as swiftly as possible, depending on the strength of the bond forged between them and the humans they served. 

But nothing is free in the world – the loyalty and unearthly powers came with one colossal drawback. The sacrifice of precious memories.

"Excuse me?" Laguna asked, raising a handsome eyebrow, looking for a moment exactly like his son. 

"Just talking to myself," she replied, jumping out of the large armchair she was curled up in. She paced the floor nervously, and Laguna's clear green eyes followed her edgy frame.

"I reckon that's how Raine used to be when she waited for me to come home."

"Huh?" She slanted him a quizzical look.

"I'd worry her to death by leaving early in the morning for work and coming home late at night. She'd give a hearty scolding before forcing dinner down my throat and hustling me off to bed."

"That's right…Raine." She'd almost forgotten that Laguna had had a wife, that he still mourned her death. His posture was relaxed and easy now; her death did not hurt so anymore. Someday…Squall too would find that release.

"You remind me of Raine, Quistis. Same reserved smile, same worrywart personality." The look in his eyes assured her that he was teasing.

"Like father, like son, President Loire." She retorted. "Any woman would go crazy, the way you two disappear for hours on end without telling anyone."

"I did tell Raine," he defended himself. "She insisted on worrying, in any case."

"At least," she muttered, peering out the darkened window. Night had fallen hours ago, and still Squall had not returned. She really didn't know what she'd do when he came back – kiss him or kill him?

"He'll be back soon." Laguna's voice was confident.

"How do you know?"

"It's the way we men think." She turned to him in surprise, and he winked conspiratorially at her. "We leave you women to miss us for a good long time, before we return. It always makes the homecoming sweeter."

"Uncle Laguna! Somehow, I don't think that's what Squall had in mind."

"No?" He grinned. "He'll be back soon – stop worrying. My son would never leave you for long."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I can see from the way he behaves. It was the same between me and Raine – I always had to leave, but hurried home as soon as possible to see her again."

"You think so?"

"Uh huh. So, now that your heart's at rest, please take a seat." Emerald eyes glinted with amusement. "You're wearing out my living room floor with your pacing." 

The door creaked as it opened, and Quistis bolted up from her seat with a small cry, a calmer Laguna at her heels.

There he was. Damp, pale, smelling like the rain…

"You're back." The words came out with much more composedly than she'd dared to hope. She crossed her arms over her chest and leaned against the wall.

"Yeah." His voice was wintry, tired. All her cold composure melted and she stepped forward to touch his hand. 

"You're freezing!"

"It was raining," he explained.

"You can remedy him, Quistis." Laguna yawned and stretched. "I'm going to bed. Good night, Squall."

"Night, Laguna."

She hustled Squall up the stairs, placing one hand on his back. "You're wet clear through."

"Rain does that sometimes." He made no protest as she all but propelled him through the bathroom door and turned on the hot water tap. 

"Strip." There was that commanding, military tone, the voice she used with the SeeDs under her. He shrugged off his jacket and sleeveless shirt, followed by his pants and boxers.

Eyes avoiding his lean frame, she scooped the clothes off the floor and motioned for him to get into the steaming bathwater. 

Quistis relaxed as she heard the water lap at the bathtub edge. She could almost imagine him, sinking into the steamy water, eyes closed, naked to the bone…

She rolled her eyes and dumped his clothes haphazardly into the washing machine, setting it to wash at high speed. Only then did she allow herself to turn around to face him.

He was watching her out of half-lidded eyes, long lashes lying in a sweeping curve against the pallor of his cheeks. Once again she marveled at the almost-feminine beauty of his face – the midnight lashes lying in stark contrast to his pale skin, blue-gray eyes that changed color with his mood, aquiline nose, finely chiseled mouth and firm, sharp chin, giving his face that masculine edge. And of course, the scar from the battle with Seifer so long ago, somehow accentuating his clean good looks. Inwardly she cursed Laguna for passing on his exquisite attractiveness to his son.

"Warm enough?" she forced herself to speak, picking up a comb from the bathroom shelf – one of Laguna's hairdressing tools, most likely – and advanced to pull it through his sleek brown locks. The comb slid easily through the fine silk of it.

"Yeah." 

"You had me worried sick." Her voice was accusing.

"I went to see Rinoa." She waited for him to elaborate, but he fell silent after those words.

"And…?" 

"And what?" he angled up a sly look through his wet bangs. She tried to glare at him, but her heart was thudding too fast for her to put much steel behind it. His warm, wet hand closed around her wrist, pulling her down to him with gentle force, lips hovering above hers.

Oh, Hyne. He was going to kiss her. And she was going to let him do it – no; she wanted him to do it.

The washing machine shuddered, and the sounds of the water draining seemed painfully loud in that silent, magical moment. Quistis started violently and pulled away. 

"Well…then…would you like something to eat?" she stammered. The wet mark he left on her wrist burned right down to the bone.

"No. Don't mother me, Quisty. I'll be fine."

"Okay." She almost backed away to the door, then, uttering a hasty goodnight, escaped out the door and almost raced to her solitary bedroom, all the while trying to still her pounding heart.

Squall sank down in the hot bathwater, closing his eyes in the steaming bliss. What had he just tried to do?

Kiss his aide. Why? Because he loved her?

__

You idiot. Loved and left twice…isn't that enough to teach you that being alone is the best for you?

Quistis was real, solid. Rinoa had been carved in ethereal shades of cream and silver, slipping like summer rain through his fingers till she'd been no more. It'd always been so difficult to keep her with him – she'd kept straying, no matter how they'd both wanted to be together. And so he'd proposed marriage to her, in a desperate attempt to keep her by his side.

Quistis had always been there, supporting, helping. She was no wraith to vanish before his eyes. Or was she? Love was illusional – he'd learnt that the hard way.

He thought suddenly of his father, in the room next to his own. Laguna had too lost a loved one. But how could he still be so cheerful in the face of what had happened? He'd loved Raine, that much Squall had seen…

He'd had a hard time adjusting to the fact that Laguna was his father. Hell, he couldn't even call the guy Dad yet. He'd always thought Laguna a moron, and he wasn't sure if he was willing to forgive him for dumping him like that. 

He stood up, allowing the water to sluice down his body as he pulled out the bath plug. All that thinking was giving him a headache.

Squall dreamed that night – dreamed of the night he'd gone to see Rinoa, only to find her lying facedown, lustrous black hair splayed over her, hiding the blood that soaked quietly into the pristine sheets below. Her fingers stretched over the bed, as if imploring…

Only this time, when he'd all but dragged her into his arms…

Cerulean eyes stared blankly back at him. Blood matted honey-blonde hair. The woman in his arms was not Rinoa, but Quistis.

He cried out hoarsely, cradling her to his chest…

He woke instantly to the mild touch on his shoulder – and looked up into the concerned eyes of the one he'd been dreaming of. Laguna and Ellone flanked her sides.

"You okay?" It wasn't Quistis who spoke, however, but his father, striking face bearing the paternal worry he'd never had a chance to experience.

"Yeah." He wiped his sweating palms, as inconspicuously as possible, on the bed sheet.

"You sure?" the taller man peered at his face. "You look terrible. When was the last time you slept?"

"I was trying to," he ground out, suddenly feeling more than a little irritated at the unexpected –and unwanted – attention.

Laguna lifted his hands placatingly. "Whoa, whoa. Chill, okay? Elle and I'll go back to bed then."

"Yell if you need us," Ellone added, stifling a loud yawn and flashing him a sleepy smile.

"Want a massage?" Quistis asked.

He pushed the chestnut bangs off his forehead. "No."

"Okay." She started for the door. "Sleep well."

"I doubt it," he muttered. He hadn't meant for her to hear that. But he'd forgotten that she had very acute hearing.

"Laguna was right." She studied his face critically. "You look awful."

"You would too," he retorted, "If you haven't slept in thirty six hours." Though inwardly he doubted it – Quistis was always the perfectionist. Never a hair out of place.

Quistis reached out to stroke his head, the movements soothing and calming. "Why not?" she asked huskily, sitting down and putting her arms around his neck, drawing him closer to her. He put his head on her shoulder, feeling the warmth of her, the feeling of human comfort so long denied. 

For the longest time she simply held him in her arms, till he drifted off to sleep once again. Gently she eased him down onto the mattress and kissed his forehead tenderly.

"I love you," she whispered, before moving on silent feet out his bedroom door, and down the hall to her own.

Quistis stifled a sharp cry as she nearly tripped over something warm. The creature, however, had no such self-control, and set up a great yowl of protest.

"Oh, hush." She bent down and scooped the cat off the floor, hugging it tightly to her chest. "I just got Squall to sleep – I'd be damned if I let you throw all that hard work down the drain."

She settled back in bed, the cat snuggled next to her. They'd have to leave for Balamb Garden tomorrow, but they could leave later in the day, to allow Squall a chance to catch up on his sleep.

So Squall had gone to see Rinoa. Had he left her behind, in the past, or was he more attached to her than ever? Where had his visit to her grave placed their relationship? Questions circled around in her mind, unanswered, until the first cold fingers of dawn crept into her bedroom. She hadn't slept a wink at all.

Heavy eyed and feeling more than a little grouchy, she dragged herself out of bed and around the house, finally contenting herself with dozing on the couch, with the cat curled up on her lap. Ellone had taken one look at her and had forbidden Laguna to disturb her. So the President of Esthar City, for want of anything better to do, trudged desolately up the stairs.

He paused outside Squall's door. No doubt he and Quistis had stayed up late last night, else the two of them wouldn't be that beat. He softly pushed open the door and stepped into the silent room.

His son lay on the bed, one arm thrown over his head while the other lay across his stomach. He didn't look like a SeeD commander in the very least. Instead he looked like a young boy, deep in slumber – a disturbed young boy, brow creased as he frowned in his sleep.

Suddenly Laguna was twenty-seven again, right in this very room he'd shared with Raine. He'd moved to the next room after Raine had died: he hadn't had the strength to stay in this room, where they'd made sweet love and explored each other's souls. Raine had given her life for their child – the child who had grown up into a handsome warrior and now lay sleeping on the very bed his parents had once occupied. Watching his son at his most vulnerable, Laguna resolved to one day clear things up once and for all between them.

Squall seemed to sense his silent scrutiny, and he jerked up abruptly in bed, glaring at his father out of wary eyes. The look softened as Laguna's image registered in his brain.

"You leaving today?"

"Yeah. Quistis and I have to attend a SeeD graduation ball tonight."

"Oh, okay." 

Laguna retreated quietly. _One day. One day when the time is right…_

- End chapter 6 -

Author's note: Story's coming along reaaal slow, I know…sorry, but I have major exams coming up, and am suffering from a baaad case of writer's block…pleas be patient, ne?


	7. Nobody wants to be lonely

Chapter 7 

Chapter 7 

By Silver Dolphin

"Looks like your lady is the belle of the ball," Seifer remarked casually as he grabbed a glass of wine off the tray of a passing waitress and joined the SeeD commander by the wall. 

That earned him a flat look. "Don't push it, Seifer."

"Me?" The blond returned an artfully innocent look. "You gotta admit it, though – she's attracting a lot of attention from the male guests."

Squall merely gave a disgusted grunt. Seifer's words were making him uncomfortable, partly because they were true. In contrast to the muted pinks, baby blues and creamy yellows the other female guests were wearing, Quistis wore a toga style dress of saffron silk. No jewelry adorned her milky skin, but her rich gold hair, spilling in a cascade down her back, glittered and shone as if sprinkled with a thousand tiny diamonds.

"So when are you going to ask her for a dance?"

"Who says I'm going to?" Squall replied irritably. He gulped down the rest of his wine in disagreeable silence.

"If you're not going to, I'm going to claim her, then. I think you're going to regret this, Squall." The blond tossed him a parting smirk and strode purposefully towards his former instructor.

"So…" Quistis turned away from Selphie as she heard the smooth baritone behind her, to look up into the smirking face of Seifer Almasy. "Would the most beautiful girl here care to dance with the best looking guy?"

Quistis raised her eyebrow. "Just who are you complimenting, Mr. Almasy? You or me?"

Seifer cocked his head and thought for a moment. "Both, I guess."

"You know what they say," Selphie remarked. "He who loves himself is loved by all."

"Hey, it's not my fault I'm popular with you women. So?" He swept into a half-bow and extended his hand.

"Well…when you put it that way…" she accepted his hand and followed him out onto the dance floor.

"Looking lovely tonight," he complimented her. And this time it really wasn't just a social comment – she did look beautiful. But then he'd always known that.

"Thank you. It was Selphie's doing." 

"You'd better talk to Squall soon," Seifer advised.

"Oh? Why's that?"

"He's in a bad mood, and that's an understatement. Ever since he came back I've hardly been able to get him to speak a complete sentence."

"I wonder why." She forced her voice to sound disinterested.

"Isn't it obvious?" Seifer glanced slyly at her. "He's been pining for affection. I'm an expert on these things."

"His business is his own. I'm not going to be pushy and irritate him."

"You're never pushy. That's the problem."

Quistis shot him a startled look. "Look at it this way, Quistis. You and Rinny had equal chances of getting him. She gained the advantage because she was daring enough to be pushy. You know Squall's never one to take initiative."

"Maybe." She sighed suddenly. "Why are you so concerned about us anyway?"

"Because I care about the welfare of my beloved former instructor and my SeeD commander."

"_Right_." Quistis rolled her eyes.

"I really do," he appealed winsomely, dark green eyes wide and innocent.

"I think you've just looking for trouble." She told him suspiciously.

"Nobody believes me around here," he mock-sighed, then laughed.

"You're a busybody, Seifer Almasy. If I were still your instructor I'd send you for detention right away."

"It was always your favorite pastime." He smirked. "Nothing else gave you more satisfaction than packing me away in detention class for a couple of hours."

"That's your perception. You did give me quite a headache, you know."

"Well." His head lowered to hers, catching her off guard, and he dropped a soft kiss on the sensitive cleft above her upper lip. It was a nothing-but-fun sort of kiss, but the sensation shocked her to the very core.

"What the –" she jerked back instinctively, and for a moment blinked confusedly at him. "You kissed me!" Inwardly she winced – she was stating the obvious, but…

"My encouragement." He smiled at her, green eyes softening momentarily, losing that sardonic smirk they always carried. "I'd love to stay with you, but the dance's ending, and I have to go look for another dance partner."

"Another?" she asked skeptically. "Every time I turn around I see you with a different girl."

"Of course. I do have a reputation to keep, you know." "He cast a quick look over her shoulder. "Besides, I think someone's coming to claim you."

Squall scowled and turned away from the sight of Quistis in Seifer's arms. He could hardly blame the blond for dancing with her – after all, he himself hadn't approached her all evening. Why shouldn't she dance with him?

He locked eyes with his best friend. Oh, he knew that Seifer was trying to taunt him, to goad him into asking her for a dance. And the worst part of it was that he was reacting the way Seifer wanted him to. 

Oh, well. He was bored, anyway, and he was going to have to face her sometime. Cursing himself every step of the way, he crossed the room through the throng of people to where she was standing alone by the huge window. Was it his imagination, or did she look a little melancholy as she watched the couples dance?

****

There you are, in a darkened room  
And you're all alone, looking out the window  
Your heart is cold and lost the will to love  
Like a broken arrow, here I stand in the shadows  
  
In the shadows  
Come to come, come to me  


"Dance with me?" he asked, as he came up to her. She blinked a little and focused her eyes on him. He could see the incredulity in those eyes.

"Did I hear you correctly?" 

He frowned at her, trying to decide if she was serious or not.

"Yes," he replied somewhat acidly. "I'm only going to ask once."

"Well, then." She took his hand and pulled him to the dance floor. "I shouldn't waste my chance, now should I?" 

****

  
Can't you see that  
Nobody wants to be lonely, nobody wants to cry  
My body's longing to hold you  
So bad it hurts inside  
Time is precious and it's slipping away  
And I've been waiting for you all of my life   
Nobody wants to be lonely  
So why why don't you let me love you  
  


  
Can you hear my voice, do you hear my song  
It's a serenade, so your heart can find me,   
And suddenly you're flying down the stairs  
Into my arms, baby,   
  
Before I start going crazy 

Run to me  
Run to me  
  
Cause I'm dying...  
Nobody wants to be lonely  
Nobody wants to cry   
My body's longing to hold you   
So bad it hurts inside  
Time is precious and it's slipping away  
And I've been waiting for you all of my life   
Nobody wants to be lonely  
So why…

She moved closer to him, sliding one hand around his neck, while the other held his shoulder. Her honey colored head leaned against his shoulder.

Squall, body tingling with the intimacy of the contact, rested his head against hers gently. His arms ran slowly, sensually over her sleek blonde hair; down her bare arms, across her slim back, finally to rest over her hand, which had dropped down to his waist.

She raised her head then to stare into his eyes, her own eyes glowing softly, probing into his own. The clear, untainted blue asking a silent question, pleading for an answer.

****

  
Why, why don't you let me love you?

Quistis dropped her eyes and clung tight to his neck, as if the warmth his body radiated was the life force that sustained her. He leaned his head against hers once again – the closeness was something he'd thought he'd never feel for a second time, not since Rinoa had left him so suddenly. Quistis was the only other woman he'd ever touched.

The last plangent note died away, and she released him, clearly taking his lack of response as a negative reply.

"Thanks for the dance." She smiled, eyes hiding the disappointment within. He watched her figure recede into the mob of people.

**  
I want to feel you need me  
Just like the air you're breathing  
Breathing, I need you here in my life  
  
Don't walk away, don't walk away  
Don't walk away, don't walk away  
No, no, no, no…  
  
Nobody wants to be lonely  
Nobody wants to cry... **

"Squall Leonhart, you're as drunk as a sailor!" Quistis hissed hours later.

"No, I'm not." His look was sullen.

"Yes, you are." She wrinkled her nose slightly at the smell of alcohol. "That's it – we're leaving. Now."

"Go bosshhh shombody elssse." She fought hard to control her amusement at his drunken speech.

"Like it or not I'm bossing you tonight." She pulled him away from the wall he was leaning against, and he stumbled slightly. "Look – you can't even walk straight. Give me your hand." She slid one arm over her shoulder and clasped her fingers with his other hand, then supported him out the ballroom down the silent hallways.

Squall collapsed down onto his bed once they were at his room, and seemed to fall asleep immediately. Quistis watched him for a few moments, and then, shaking her head slightly, set about removing his jacket and shoes.

She stripped him down to his boxers, which she prudently left alone– there was a fine line between helping him sleep comfortably and raping him outright, after all. She folded his clothes and put them on the chair, then lingered around, reluctant to leave him now that she was in his room.

"Quisty?" He mumbled from the bed, and then half raised himself up on his elbows. His bangs fell across his face, causing her fingers to itch to push it back. "My head hurts."

"Of course it does," she replied calmly, going through his cabinets in search of painkillers. "You drank enough to fill the entire ocean tonight." She shut off the ceiling light and flicked on the desk lamp instead. "Feel better?"

His only response was a muffled groan.

"Nobody told you to guzzle all that wine like water," She told him heartlessly. "This is all your fault, you know." 

His bloodshot eyes flickered slightly. "It seemed like a good idea at the time." 

"Yes, well, now that you're awake, why don't you go sober up in the shower? You reek of alcohol, and frankly, it's not a very pleasant smell."

Squall made no further complaint, but staggered to the adjacent bathroom and closed the door. Moments later the sound of running tap water drifted into the bedroom.

"Finally," Quistis said tartly as he emerged, hair dripping, from the bathroom.

"What?"

"Does it take you over an hour just to bathe every day?"

"You told me to sober up," he protested. "Nobody asked you to wait, anyway. I thought you'd be long gone by now."

"And what happens if, in your drunken state, you drowned yourself in the shower or something?"

"I'll send you a postcard from the netherworld if I do." 

Quistis was feeling a little better – that long wait had been worth it. Their light banter was beginning to sound like their past conversations, long ago, before Rinoa had committed suicide.

"…Thanks."

"Huh?" Quistis snapped out of her reverie.

"If you hadn't brought me back here I'd probably still be there, out cold in a puddle of wine."

Quistis burst out laughing at the mental image of the cold, controlled commander lying prostrate in a pool of alcohol. A faint smile flirted with Squall's austere lips.

"I'll take my payment now, then."

"Which would be?" He asked a little warily. She smiled mysteriously as she approached, and he had no inkling of her intentions until her lips were locked with his.

"Quis – mmph!" his startled voice was cut off, and he responded to the urgency in that kiss. His hand came to cradle her head gently, as his mouth tried to consume from her what she was consuming from him. God, it had been so long since he's kissed another this way…

Quistis broke away, gasping slightly. Darn it – if she hadn't needed to come up for air she'd have gone on kissing him forever. 

What the hell was she doing? She moved away from the tantalizing warmth of his hand - she hadn't wanted to force herself on him before he'd made his decision.

"What am I to you, Squall?" she lashed out in frustration. "A vessel for you to fill your desires with?"

He narrowed his eyes. "Excuse me? You kissed me first!" 

"You would have continued if I hadn't stopped it," she accused. "And it would have progressed further, wouldn't it? Next morning I'd have found myself lying next to you, buck naked, having been the most pliant little toy to you the night before!" Her voice soared several octaves.

"What are you yelling at me for?" he retorted, his own voice considerably louder than usual. "It's not my fault you've been in love with me for the past five years - "

"So what?" she snapped back. "That doesn't give you the right to take advantage of that fact and make use of me - " 

"I'm not - "

"What about that night in Galbadia, then. You were drunk too, you know – how do I know things wouldn't have turned out the same way tonight?"

"It happened once, Quistis – that doesn't mean it's going to happen again. Quit judging me so quickly – stop being so self-assured for once. You wouldn't know if I'd done it out of love tonight, and not for quick relief, would you?"

In a lightning-quick movement her hand moved to slap him, unconsciously, and he caught it quickly. They stared at each other, throats more than a little sore from all the shouting.

"You've got quick reflexes." Quistis said finally.

"Thank you. I had a very good instructor." She laughed weakly and wrenched her hand from his grip. 

"Sorry. I didn't mean it…I just needed to work off some steam."

He ignored her apology. "Marry me?"

She tried to stifle her laughter, but she simply couldn't, and to his chagrin she laughed even harder. "You're proposing to me in a drunken state?"

"It's still valid," he replied in a slightly injured tone.

"Oh, Squall…" there was a kind of aching desire in her voice. "You'll probably regret it in the morning."

"I know what I'm doing. Doesn't this prove to you that I'm not making use of you then?"

She smiled then. "No regrets?"

"No. I promise."

With a kind of half-laugh, half-sob, she threw herself into his arms. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for this."

"You've been waiting for me to propose to you in a drunken condition?"

"You know what I mean." Quistis's gaze was thoughtful. "I don't suppose you'd repeat what you yelled at me just now, would you?"

"That being…?"

"For a SeeD commander you're incredibly dense sometimes…you know that? You said you'd do it out of love tonight…did you mean it?"

"Let me show you…" he murmured. His suggestive expression was so alien that she giggled. "God knows you've waited long enough…can't keep you in suspense any longer, can I?"   


Laughter faded to cries and whispers, as the two finally consummated the unspoken love in their hearts. 

- End chapter 7 - 

Sure was long coming, eh? Sorry, but now that my exams are over, I'll have the last two chapters up soon...


	8. Soul Union

Chapter 8 

Chapter 8 

By Silver Dolphin

__

He was running. Through the bleak gray mist he searched, the sound his boots made with the granite beneath his feet seemed unnaturally loud in the uncanny silence. His heart pounded in his chest, so that he drew deep, gasping breaths, and his limbs were weary – so weary. 

Still he continued to search through the gray haze, unsure of what he was looking for, but knowing that it was his ultimate goal, one that he would find or die trying. Then up ahead the fog cleared, and something lay splayed out on the cold hard ground. The shine of bright gold attracted him, and he made for the object, blurry images beginning to form in his mind, yet the entire picture eluded him completely.

Of course. Spread out in front of him was the form of the woman he loved, and she was deathly pale, although her pulse was strong in her throat. He supported her unconscious form in his arms, trying – and failing – to revive her in the swirling loneliness.

But they were not alone. The mist before him shifted, beginning to take the shape of another woman – a woman dressed all in pale blue, with hair the purest black streaked with golden brown down the front. The face was familiar, yet foreign somehow…

"You've forgotten me already?" Her voice was sad, echoing in the stillness of the fog around them.

"No." His voice was an uncertain croak.

"Yes, you have. I see your heart, and in my place is now the face of the one you hold in your arms."

"No!" He repeated more forcefully. "Never that. Gods, Rinny, I missed you so much."

"Then come with me." A glowing white nimbus embraced her figure, and she reached out to him. "Come. Leave her, leave this bleak earth. Come with me."

He felt a strange compulsion to obey, yet the warm weight of the blonde at his knees held him back.

"Hurry!" Her voice held an urgent note, and he noticed that she was beginning to blend into the gray surrounding them. "Don't leave me, Squall!"

"Rinoa!" He cried desperately. "Quisty –"

"You can't have us both. Choose. Quickly, Squall! Me, or her?"

"Rinny – "

"You would choose her?" Rinoa's disbelief was evident. "I thought I meant the world to you…"

WHAM!! Squall's eyes flew open at the solid blow the pillow landed on his stomach, and his breath exploded out of his body in a kind of strangled wheeze. 

"Well, at least he's awake." Irvine observed, grinning at Seifer, who stood over him with the pillow raised menacingly over his head.

Squall sat up, wiping the layer of sweat off his forehead as he tried to regain his breath. "Don't you know you're not supposed to murder the bridegroom on his wedding day?" he demanded, glaring at the two of them.

"Touchy, touchy," Irvine remarked. "You wouldn't wake when we called you, so…" he left it hanging in the air.

"A nice, gentle tap on the shoulder will do." Squall's face bore a distinctly pained look.

"Speaking of weddings, you're going to be late for yours," Seifer informed him, shooting a quick glance at his watch. 

"Tell me again why I'm doing this?" Squall moaned, catching the pillow his best friend hurled at him.

"Because you proposed to Quistis, remember? Whatever made you do that?" Seifer asked curiously.

"It was a spur of the moment thing. I was drunk. She tried to warn me, but I didn't listen."

"Having second thoughts?" Irvine asked dryly. "You had all month to change your mind."

"It's not being married to Quisty I'm having qualms about." He shot an accusatory glance at the pillow, as if blaming it for the poor night he'd had. "It's the whole wretched ceremony, you understand."

"Why?"

"Because…it's frivolous." Squall replied disgustedly.

"Ah." Seifer exchanged a knowing look with Irvine. "Nerves," the blond nodded sagely. 

"Quit acting so superior. When your wedding day comes and our positions are reversed…" 

"Never happen." Seifer declared with a smug little smirk.

Muttering under his breath, the SeeD commander stamped into the bathroom and slammed the door.

"How's our bridegroom doing?" Zell asked, as he threw open the door without so much as a knock. 

Squall glared at him. "I get the feeling all three of you are enjoying this," he accused, reaching for the shaver he'd just plugged into the wall socket under his desk.

"It's not every day you see the SeeD commander so…. jittery," Irvine pointed out. "You sure you want to do this?"

"What?" 

"Shave. Look at your hand." The Galbadian sharpshooter gestured towards his trembling hand.

"Quisty won't like it if you go to her with blood all over your clothes," Seifer agreed.

"I can't go unshaved either," Squall retorted.

"You want me to do it?" Zell offered, an unrestrained grin stretching his lips. "I'll be careful around your nose, I promise."

"Thanks. I'm kind of attached to it." Squall submitted the razor to his friend with a resigned sigh. This was proving to be a very long day…

"Well, now," Laguna commented, "You look just like me on my wedding day." He studied his son's face thoughtfully. "You did a better job shaving, though."

"Zell did it." The two fell silent after that, as they waited for the fanfare that was to summon them into the grand ballroom of Balamb Garden.

"I suppose you had a bad night?" Laguna asked, a small smile twisting the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah."

"So did I. My wedding night, I mean. I had the worst nightmare." He paced the floor impatiently. "What's taking them so long?"

Squall raised his eyebrow. "You're even more excited that I am. You should have been the one doing this."

Laguna laughed easily. "No, son – I'm too old to go about getting married now. You're still young, though. You've got plenty of time."

"What's it like? Getting married?"

"Mine wasn't such a big affair as yours."

"I mean – "

The music sounded then, loud and clear, and Squall and Laguna walked through the door down the aisle to the dais at the other end of the room.

"Who the hell invited all these people?" Squall spluttered indignantly under his breath to his father.

"I dunno…Zell and Selphie were in charge of the guest list." 

"Great. The whole Garden's here to watch their SeeD commander humiliate himself." 

Laguna did not reply on reaching the dais, but he was grinning openly as he and Squall took their respective positions. Everybody, it seemed, was finding his predicament very amusing indeed.

After what seemed like an eternity, music resonated again – but this time it was the clear cascading of the harp. Automatically he turned around and caught sight of his bride for the first time.

In contrast the traditional white all brides usually wore, Quistis was gowned in an ankle-length dress of the darkest blue, which darkened her eyes to lavender and stood in stark contrast to her honey blonde hair. All her hair was caught up in what looked like a simple knot – no hair accessories – and reached halfway down her back. She wore no makeup to speak of, yet her face was beautifully radiant – a soft smile and sparkling eyes replaced her usual stern, reserved expression. She caught his eyes once, briefly, and for a second he felt a strange, shocking sensation. Her head was held high, and she looked regally composed as she approached him with Ellone at her side.

No regrets. But that didn't mean he was enjoying the whole blasted ceremony! Why couldn't they have had a nice, private service, instead of – 

He was suddenly aware of his bride standing next to him, and the gentle fragrance about her quite caused his legs to weaken suddenly. Why the hell was the whole affair taking so _long_?

Quistis spoke her vows somewhat hesitantly, and he felt a slight flicker of reassurance. At least _somebody_ else was nervous, too. The clear firm voice so familiar from class during his days as a Garden Cadet and later from sharing SeeD missions was now softer, less assertive.

Squall had thought he'd perfected the art of hiding his emotions. But his normally cool, expressionless alto wavered just the slightest bit as he uttered his vows, and he felt Quistis's hand brush lightly against his.

"…You may now kiss the bride." At that concluding sentence Squall jerked out of his moody trance. Had he heard the priest correctly?

He glanced at his wife, to find her staring expectantly at him. Now? In front of the whole Garden?

"What are you waiting for?" Quistis asked softly, finally despairing of him ever making the first move. She quite firmly wound her arms around his neck and touched her lips to his.

Fine. Just a brief, chaste kiss wasn't all that bad, really…but what soon became alarmingly apparent was that his wife was _not_ going to let it go at that. The kiss went on for quite some time, until the blood roaring in his ears blocked out the soft murmurings of the watching Trepies, and until he caught sight of his father's mischievous grin.

Quistis's arms finally loosened from around his neck, and she stepped back, wearing an expression that faintly resembled his father's.

"Why the sullen face, my husband?" Quistis asked cheerfully. His wife, in contrast, seemed to be enjoying the whole business entirely.

Women! Hyne only knew how their brains worked. He had very little time to ponder the mystery, because she swept him off to the dance floor to perform their dance solo. His mind immediately switched to the more pressing issue in front of him – how to get through the dance without tripping over his feet and embarrassing himself.

The gentle strains of the melody were foreign to him, but judging from his wife's queer smile, it was one she had requested in advance. She subtly guided him through the slow, graceful measures of a dance unknown to all at Balamb Garden, himself included. The movements were regal, and controlled…the pair moved together with a kind of innate grace, so the silent audience had no idea that their SeeD commander was for once following his instincts and not applying his skills.

All eyes were on the bridal couple as they concluded their dance, and the applause was deafening.

"What was that all about?" Squall asked his wife.

"Hmm? Oh, it was something I picked up years ago…when I was a newly trained SeeD. On one of my missions I attended a ball in Esthar, and a very kind gentleman taught me one of their older dances."

"You might have warned me in advance."

"I will next time."

"Next time?" Squall choked in disbelief. Quistis laughed.

"I don't know honey…I had a great time. Did you?"

He chose not to answer that comment. Quistis's sly smile, however, indicated that she knew what his answer would be.

As the bridal couple was expected to dance with everyone, Quistis could hardly turn down Seifer's invitation to dance. "You've got awful timing, Seifer," she complained mildly, shooting a mock - pining glance at Squall. "I really wanted to spend a few moments with my husband."

"There's plenty of time for _ that_ later," Seifer replied sardonically. "He'll have you all to himself after the celebration. This is the last chance I'll get to dance with you without having a jealous husband breathing down my neck."

"That's the way things are, Seifer. You're my best friend, but they are _some_ things even friends don't share."

"Will you two stop that?" Quistis demanded, face aflame from all of their subtle implications.

"Don't wear yourself out," Squall told his wife with a perfectly straight face. "You still have a long night ahead of you."

"Why did I ever marry you?" she lamented, though a smile threatened to break through her morose expression. Then she laughed and kissed his cheek. "I'll be back soon, honey."

"No, actually you won't," Seifer told her as he led her to the dance floor. "I hear there's a long queue of Trepies waiting to dance with you."

"Oh, well." Quistis placed her hand on his shoulder. "He'll have legions of girls chasing after him, I suppose." 

Seifer gave her a wicked smirk. "It's about time he learned to socialize, anyway."

Quistis laughed as she cast an almost sympathetic glance at her unsuspecting husband.

- End chapter 8 - 


	9. Epilogue

Epilogue

Epilogue

By silver dolphin

The slam of the front door and the sound of boots clicking down the hallway brought a little blonde hurricane out of the living hall. Quistis barely had time to react before her daughter flung herself at her mother with a delighted cry of "Mama!"

Low chuckling followed the sprite's spirited greeting, and Quistis looked up from where she knelt beside her daughter into the affectionate eyes of her husband. She smiled wearily in return.

"Why's she still up at this hour?" she asked, standing with the three-year-old in her arms.

"She had a bad dream and absolutely refused to sleep on her own. I still had Cid's report to do, so she ended up sitting in my lap while I typed it up."

"Oh." She was dead exhausted, and she wasn't really in the mood to argue with him about the late hours their daughter was keeping. "Fine. I'll put her back to bed now."

"No." The little voice piped up at her ear. Her daughter's blue-gray eyes, the reminiscent of Squall's, held that flatly decisive look she was so accustomed to seeing in her husband's eyes.

"Yes, Regan. You're tired."

"Not tired!" The little sprite declared defiantly.

"Well, I am," Quistis told her daughter. "Like it or not you're going to bed."

"I'll do it." Squall extracted Regan from her arms and kissed her mouth lingeringly. Although his wife still looked fresh from the shower, he could detect the faint droop of her shoulders and the weariness in her eyes. "Why don't you go get ready for bed?"

Quistis smiled her thanks, kissed her daughter good night and ruffled her silver-blonde hair, then continued on to their bedroom. The water felt so good against her bare skin - hot, sharp, and stinging. But she finally managed to summon the strength to step out of the shower and dry herself off, then pulled on her robe and shuffled to the bedroom.

"Have you seen my glasses, honey?" she asked her husband, who sat cross-legged on the bed leafing through his reports. 

"Weren't you wearing them today?" Squall was quite used to having his wife lose her glasses all the time. They always turned up in the end, somehow or another, so it wasn't really a big problem. Most of the time, anyway.

"No – I had my lenses in for the meeting. I must have left them in the car again."

She yawned and dropped down next to him, and he caught her limp body in his arms. "You'll get a headache if you sleep with your hair all wet like that."

"I'll have to chance it. I'm too tired to move any more." She leaned back against him and closed her eyes.

"They agreed to our proposal, didn't they? Or you wouldn't be able to go to sleep so peacefully."

"Naturally." His wife was an expert when it came to negotiating. "It took me a long time and some pretty fast-talking to get them to agree, and it was late when I finally left Trabia." She gave him a half-lidded gaze. "I could've stayed the night, but I was lonesome for my nice warm husband."

He caressed her fluted collarbones with a gentle hand, then ran his finger up her neck. "Shall I make the journey home worth your while?"

She giggled, fingers absently tracing designs on his thigh. "Not tonight, honey – I have to report in to Cid early tomorrow."

He absently pulled the towel from around her shoulders and began to wipe her hair with it.

"Mm." A soft purr escaped her throat as the gently pulling sensation on her hair soothed away the tension of the busy day she'd had.

"Feel good?"

"Yes." He reached over to the bedside table for her hairbrush and began pulling it slowly through the damp wealth of hair tumbling three quarters of the way down to her waist. She closed her eyes and let herself be lulled by the slow, gentle rhythm. A faint smirk toyed with the corners of Squall's lips as he listened to the contented sound issuing from his wife's throat. Nobody would ever believe this particular scene – the detached, aloof SeeD commander brushing his wife's hair. But he'd changed ever since their marriage – even if only to the people closest to him – and he'd never regretted marrying his ex- instructor, even if they did have their own little skirmishes now and then. The "kiss and make up" part following soon after more than made up for anything.

"You should take care of yourself," he broke the peaceful silence between them. "You're always tired nowadays."

She laughed furtively. "It's no big deal."

"No? You walk around like a living corpse - "

"It can't be helped, honey." 

"Stop being cryptic." He narrowed his eyes slightly. "What's going on?"

She laughed again and took his hand, letting it rest against her abdomen. "I guess now would be as good a time as any." His right hand stopped pulling the brush through her hair – rather abruptly, she thought.

"You're pregnant again?"

"Mm – hmm." She turned around to look at him, eyes searching his carefully. Only then did he see the little telltale signs: The faint hollows under her cheekbones, and the dilated eyes. Her face seemed a little thinner, too. "You're not happy with it?"

"Of course I am." He set the brush aside and pulled her to lie down with him. She automatically cuddled closer, tucking her head in between his neck and shoulder in that unique way of hers. His wife always liked close physical contact with him. Not that he minded, really; she was soft and warm and she always smelled good enough to bottle and sell. 

"Maybe it'll be a boy this time." Her soft voice was slightly muffled into the pillow.

"Mm." Then, "I have to leave soon for a mission in Esthar."

"How long?" She knew instinctively she wasn't going to like his answer. Squall never brought anything up unless it was big news.

"Three weeks."

"Solo?"

"Mm."

She kept her face adverted from his. Although she'd been married to him for almost four years now, she still felt that deep reluctance whenever he was leaving. They'd had this discussion many times before – she wasn't going to bring it up again. "In my present condition I won't be much of a help, anyway."

"Nonsense. I always want you with me. But Regan –"

"I know." And she did. But she just wanted to stay with him like this forever. Never have to see the sun rising and dragging herself out of bed to go to work, and never see him leave for missions for weeks at a time.

Squall lay still next to his wife's pliant warmth as he listened to her even breathing. It was very late – or very early to be exact – but he was loath to get up from his warm bed and turn off the bedroom lights.

Finally, though, realism prevailed, and grumbling under his breath he slid out from between the sheets and shut off the lamp. Only then was he aware of the pale, thin silver of moon outside the window, and his mind reached back over the passage of time to another scenario, years ago, when he'd stood by another window seeking some form of guidance, to have Quistis come out of the bedroom and offer her hand to him.

He glanced back at his sleeping wife. The crescent moon was wan in the unforgiving black of the night sky, but it cast a slender moonbeam on her pale, beautiful face and lighted her honey colored hair with a glowing radiance. His guardian angel, he loved her more than life itself – but sometimes he couldn't help staring at her and wondering what life would be like if Rinoa hadn't died. He'd have married her, certainly – what of Quistis then? 

It wasn't that he was against her having another baby. It was more of the feeling that he was giving her so many children that he was burdening her, chaining her so that her life was greatly restricted. She'd already given up so much – she was mainly handling diplomacy missions now and she'd gone back to being an instructor. When was the last time he'd seen her using her whip, anyway?

"Honey?" Quistis's voice was husky with sleep. "What are you doing there? Come back to bed."

"Coming." He cast one more look at the moon, whose solitary ray played over his waiting wife, and turned back to her expectant arms.

- End - 


End file.
